his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
