so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
