Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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