i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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