I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
