i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
