you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
