thus making me awesome and them whores
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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