My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
operation have a gay friend backfired
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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