Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
