If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we're making bets on your personal life
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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