As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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