I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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