She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
