this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i came on her dog
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
