just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
