he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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