my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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