I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
