I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
