am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
