no you cant smoke seaweed
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
