i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
