Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
