pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
