I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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