I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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