If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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