OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
