Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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