remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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