If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
