this beer tastes like vomit already
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling