your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
