guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
