I accidentally had phone sex last night
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and she was petting her beer can
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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