Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't deserve a penis
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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