The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The pigeons can smell the fear
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs