Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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