you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
