I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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