so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
