The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
