And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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