I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
