I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
