They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
