Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
