My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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