I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
this is an emotional support booty call
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
