I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
