the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
