but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
