Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
