So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
