If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize