zippers are such a cool invention
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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