K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
