Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
