Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
