I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
