Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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