I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
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You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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