My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
