My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
