Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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