I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
