What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
