i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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