Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
