I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
