I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
pop tarts are not kleenex
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Pants are for mortals
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
