Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
