using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
