You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
