Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
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Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
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You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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