I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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