she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
