pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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