Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
