dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
