yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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